The WSJ reports today that brides and grooms are asking guests to help pay for weddings either up front or through registries. Guests can either donate a sum to the couple, or pay for wedding services. A guest might buy a floral arrangement for the wedding or a share of the photography services. I can't express my disapproval harshly enough here. I understand that in some parts of the country, giving cash as a wedding gift is welcomed and more than appropriate. In the South, giving cash is seen as tacky.
The most appalling part of the story is the sense that the brides and grooms feel like the guests should pay for the part of the wedding. Interviewees express a feeling that guests are getting something for nothing here. A 25-year-old bond trader says, "It's like wedding education for guests. They need to understand the cost."
No, they don't. You need to understand that no one is dying to go to your wedding. Most people will go to your wedding out of a sense of obligation, and will be hoping that it doesn't last too long. They aren't enjoying the ambiance created by your lavish floral arrangements or your soothing string quartet. If it was up to them, you would have eloped. They had to dress up and buy you a present and they may have had to travel to get to your wedding. For the last family wedding we attended, we had to cough up money for plane tickets for four people, two nights in a hotel, and a rental car. We were happy to do this, especially because the bride and groom were very appreciative of our being there.
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1. Posted by on May 6, 2005 @ 10:27 | Permalink
My wife and I registered with several charities. We were 28 when we got married and had been living together for a couple of years, had most of the household essentials, and both make good salaries. You'd be surprised at the resistance we got. Most people would rather give us "more stuff" than make a donation for poor kids.
2. Posted by Christine on May 6, 2005 @ 10:33 | Permalink
Good for you! For years, I put on my kids' birthday party invitations "no presents," but many people bring presents anyway. This year, I decided to ask for books for my son's preschool room (all attendees were from the same room). This was popular. Unfortunately, I think people are more willing to donate to charities they believe in than charities you believe in.
3. Posted by kristine on May 6, 2005 @ 12:17 | Permalink
It's not even that people aren't "dying to attend your wedding," because some people are, indeed, excited to be there. But they are there for the party you are throwing, and if you can't afford it, you need to plan something a little less elaborate.
That's the most appalling thing about this new trend—that people are asking for cash or donations to help provide a bigger party than they could otherwise afford. In some cultures, it is traditional for the guests to give cash or a present of a price equivalent to the cost of their attending the wedding, but, again, that is very specifically an ethnic and cultural tradition and is in NO WAY mainstream.
(The only time I think this sort of thing is appropriate is for destination weddings, where guests can often "buy" certain events for the bride and groom -- a snorkeling trip or a massage in the resort's spa, for instance. IN LIEU of the toaster oven, of course.)
4. Posted by Trolance/Danette on August 16, 2005 @ 16:54 | Permalink
Hi are you doing we are try yo have a wedding on 02/11/06 and we are having a hard time to get the money for the wedding so if you can help that will be nice. god bless you
5. Posted by Tyshia on January 20, 2006 @ 22:44 | Permalink
Hi how are you doing me and my fianace are trying to have a nice little wedding before our second baby is born the baby will be born july 19th we're having a hard time paying for the wedding so i'm asking if you can find it in your hearts to help us in any kind of way i very much appericate it thanks tyshia
6. Posted by Cindy on February 9, 2006 @ 22:01 | Permalink
GOOD GRIEF! Can't afford a wedding, just go before the minister with just your parents and siblings because they are the ones that matter anyway and skip the party. You are just as married and you can put what money you do have toward food or housing which will benefit you much more. Most of the people today have lived together before marriage anyway and so it is all a big farce with the white dress and all the trimmings. For that matter anyone expecting anyone else to pay for their wedding needs to grow up and probably isn’t ready for marriage anyway.
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