But what about the liquidated damages they apply if you pay the bill late? Please correct me if I'm wrong - I'm new at this law thing - but they don't sound kosher to me.

From their bill:
"The charge is the greater of $5 or 1.5% per month as permitted by law, and are liquidated damages, not a penalty."

Cathy, I cannot even begin to provide a thorough analysis here, but you focus primarily on the $5 charge. Is that a reasonable estimate of Verizon's actual damage from your late payment, or is it a penalty for failing to pay on time? The word "penalty" is a term of art here, meaning that the specified sum is not a reasonable estimate of Verizon's damage. The problem with your analysis is that you begin from the proposition that you didn't breach, which is untrue, and you proceed on the assumption that Verizon was not harmed at all from your late payment, which seems unjustified.

I'm not sure I follow your critique. For one, I never said Verizon wasn't harmed by the late payment, but I doubted whether $5 was a reasonable measure of its harm. Secondly, you say I did breach - but breach what? and how? Is imperfect performance always a breach? And if so, if my paying slightly late was a minor breach of something, was it so material as to warrant damages?

Also, even if a "penalty" is reasonable to apply in response to a late payment, and even if $5 is a reasonable amount for it (though I would disagree), it doesn't really matter because Verizon is explicitly disclaiming that it's a penalty and instead labelling the charge "liquidated damages." But from my understanding you can't just announce that something is liquidated damages. They only apply in certain circumstances and under certain conditions, and I don't think they are applicable here.

(BTW, I've pulled out my notes from last year to prepare my analysis, so if some important legal understanding is actually missing please let me know. I do need to pass the Bar at some point...)

"I never said Verizon wasn't harmed by the late payment."

To clarify, I discounted that they incurred a harm of any significance and suggested that it's possible they in fact incurred no harm at all, but that even if they did, $5 was still an unreasonable measure of it.

Avoid Verizon on Thursdays and Fridays

Here is a word to the wise: avoid placing any orders for services with Verizon late in the week. They close every night at 6PM sharp and they are not open on weekends and holidays. The changes and features you ordered during the day are implemented at night and if there is anything wrong with the implementation, there is absolutely nobody you can talk about it for two or even three days. Repair CSR refuse to accept any complaints and Verizon Business Office hangs up on you without taking messages. E-mailing is useless, too, since no one looks at it before they open for business.

You are better off placing your order early in the week, so you may catch the errors in time for someone to complain to.

It is simply amazing to me that a giant corporation like Verizon is unable to find customer service representatives to work on weekends and holidays, when even the smallest common grocery stores or furniture outlets manage it quite well. Perhaps the difference is that they are interested in sales and customer satisfaction, while Verizon is not.