Leaving your home on Halloween is actually an invitation to vandalism. But that's not the main reason I would argue against a trip to Christine's neighborhood. Lollipops? That's so lame! I'm sending my daughter to Kate's neighborhood (where the chocolate flows like a raging river) while I stay behind and bribe kids not to egg my house into the stone age.

Hilarious, Jeremy! Actually, if I were acting rationally, I would buy candy that I didn't like so that I wouldn't get fat on the leftovers. However, most of our candy is the premium, chocolate kind -- snickers, twix, reese's, etc. Paul dogged on me because I got little boxes of Hot Tamales. Some people are allergic to chocolate, you know.

Gordon, I hate candy corn. I also think sweetarts and smarties are sort of lame.

Yes, the goal of Halloween shoudl be to provide children with an education in economics. But Hassett's suggestion of giving away money isn't quite a real lesson in economics; how often in life will these kids get free money to spend on candy? So next Halloween, I'm not going to give away anything at all; I'm going to hire local children to rake my leaves. And just to make extra-sure the lesson in capitalism is really top-notch, I'm going to solicit bids from any trick-or-treaters that ring my bell, and the lowest bid will win. It will be interesting to see whether the winning bid is a 14 year-old at $7/hr or five 5 yr-olds for a combined $7/hr (because they need to collaborate to be productive and would find $7/hr sufficient to buy enough candy to get sick).

I can't wait for November and December, respectively, when Hassett can inform us how to transform those holidays into lessons in capitalism as well.

Just in case anyone was wondering, I let trick-o-treaters pick their treat out of a big bowl, and we have a lot of Hot Tamales left. However, one would-be horror movie star last night was heard to say "Hot Tamales rock!" So, they have a small but devoted following.