Until the middle of this past summer, I was convinced that I would be voting for George Bush in today's presidential election. I had voted for Bush in 2000, though not enthusiastically. This year it would be a close-your-eyes, plug-your-nose, and try-to-forget-how-much-you-dislike-this-man sort of vote. After all, voting for a Democrat -- any Democrat -- was something I just did not do. At some point during the fall, the cumulative effect of the missing WMD, the abuse at Abu Ghraib, American soldiers and contractors dying in Iraq, the budget deficits, Halliburton, and unaddressed problems with Social Security and Medicare caused me to rethink my position on President Bush. I found myself agreeing with the political demonstrators on State Street: George Bush deserved to be fired. For the first time in my life, I seriously considered the Democrat candidate. John Kerry has become a more attractive package in the campaign than he ever was in real life, but the package is still unappealing to me. Somehow he has been given a free pass in most quarters for his NO vote on Iraq in 1991. That was shameful. And as Ann Althouse has repeatedly emphasized -- most recently in today's New York Times -- his current plans for Iraq (what are they exactly?) do not inspire confidence. He made a tactical mistake in emphasizing Vietnam at the Democrat convention, and his response to the visit of Prime Minister Ayad Allawi of Iraq in September was embarrassing and harmful. No, I cannot vote for John Kerry. So I decided that this year, my vote for President would be a vote of no confidence. I was going to write the word "No" on my ballot and leave it at that. Of course, this would be a meaningless protest to almost everyone except for me. My point was not to start a movement, but to be able to live with myself. At the end of September, I publicly declared my intention on another blog (you will need to wade through some Mormon-speak to get to it), and the reaction was immediate. One of my virtual friends wrote: "It's our religous duty, it seems to me, to figure out who is better. Being weary shouldn't be an excuse. Being a law professor, you must have ideas about what makes a good justice. The next 30 years of Constitutional law may depend on which candidate wins the election, and one of the candidates will pick better justices than will the other." Another from the other side of the political spectrum offered this: "to reject political engagement (despite how admittedly contrived and even meaningless a vote in this national election may be insofar as any real 'engagement' goes) is only to raise one's demands for what would be worthy of engagement in the future, thus allowing for further disappointment when national candidates (inevitably) fail to deliver, thus leading to even more frustrated non-engagement, and hence further disappointment, etc. Eventually, you could become one of those intelligent people who think all politics is a sham and silly (of whom there are many millions), and thus not worth your time at all. I can respect a principled quietism, and maybe that's what you're getting at, but it sounds to me more like a rejection out of annoyance." While a few offered encouragement, I was feeling embattled on all sides. But I clung to my resolve, partly out of feelings of stubbornness and partly from the sense that I could not participate in the election of either of these two men, even under a lesser-of-two-evils rationale. This had become of matter of conscience. I had become a "decided" voter. Time passed, and I watched as Wisconsin became the focus of increasing national attention. Living in Madison, this seems strange. Kerry supporters abound, and Bush supporters are as rare as Vikings fans. Yet even today, Wisconsin remains in the small group of states not clearly leaning toward one side or the other. For the first time, my vote in a presidential election might matter. I was going to give this one more shot. I was going to attempt to pick a candidate. Last week, I decided at the last minute to attend a Kerry rally in downtown Madison. Somehow I managed to wangle a spot about 50 feet from the candidate, and I listened. It was just a stump speech, so it was short on detail, but I listened with intent as Kerry spoke of his plan for combating terrorism: better intelligence through alliances. I listened as he promised more and better jobs by giving tax dollars to companies that create jobs in the U.S. I listened as described his health care plan. On one topic after another, Kerry vacillated between the vacuous and the inane. This morning I dropped by my local polling place at 6:30 am, intending to vote. While I knew that John Kerry would not get my vote, I still did not know whether I could vote for George Bush. My plan was to look at the ballot and follow my gut. When I filled out the registration, I noticed that I had been given a red pen. "Deficits," I thought. (I will be so happy when this election is over, and my dendrites stop firing election messages.) The line was already 30 people long, and it wasn't moving. As it turned out, the polls wouldn't open until 7 am. Crud! I had an early meeting at the office, and I couldn't wait that long. So I will be voting this afternoon, probably in an hour or two. And I am still undecided, not between the two candidates, but between George Bush and my protest vote. I still remember my complaints about George Bush, and I do not hold out much hope for change. That's the thing about George Bush: he sticks to his guns. Though I wish he were a different president, he is not the evil man often portrayed by his opponents. But is he good enough that I should help him to win Wisconsin? UPDATE: Thanks to Ann for the Instapundit link. For those who are commenting, please be patient. I have to approve each comment (I usually don't get this many), so it might take awhile for your comment to post. And I need to leave for the polls soon! ANOTHER UPDATE: The comments have been very entertaining, but I need to go vote now, so I am turning them off on this post ... for now.

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