December 18, 2004
"I was ... eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery"
Posted by Gordon Smith

Surely, you recognize this line from George Costanza. You can read the script here or listen to George on this page.

I am not sure whether anyone has ever collected great movie and television lines about cheese. Maybe I will start with this post. This episode of Seinfeld has two references to eating cheese, both associated with bachelorhood.

Here is the first exchange, between George and Jerry on the street, shortly after George's fiance has expired from ingesting envolope glue:

GEORGE: (inhales deeply) I tell you, Jerry, I'm feeling something. Something I haven't felt in a long time.

JERRY: Pride?

GEORGE: No. Autonomy, complete and total autonomy.

JERRY: Well, you're your own boss now.

GEORGE: I wanna go to a tractor pull.

JERRY: Go ahead.

GEORGE: I am staying out all night!

JERRY: Who's stopping you?

GEORGE: I wanna bite into a big hunk of cheese, just bite into it like it's an apple.

JERRY: Whatever.

Then, after learning that his would-have-been inlaws were inspired by Jerry's remarks from a Star Trek movie to establish a foundation in honor of their deceased daughter and have asked him to sit on the board of directors, George and Jerry have this conversation:


GEORGE: Hey. How's your day, good?

JERRY: Actually, yeah. I'm meeting Mulva here in a few minutes.

GEORGE: So uh... Wrath of Khan, huh?

JERRY: Yeah. Was that a beauty or what?

GEORGE: What was that line again? Something about finding your way in a shadow?

JERRY: No, no, no, it's... "She's not really dead if we find a way to remember her."

GEORGE: That's it. That's the line... (squirts mustard into Jerry's coffee and stirs it) ...that destroyed my life.

JERRY: (stares into coffee cup and looks back at George) Problem?

GEORGE: The Rosses have started up a foundation, Jerry, and I have to sit on the board of directors.

JERRY: Hey, board of directors. Look at you!

GEORGE: Yeah! Look at me! I was free and clear! I was living the dream! I was stripped to the waist, eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery!

JERRY: Before we go any further, I'd just like to point out how disturbing it is that you equate eating a block of cheese with some sort of bachelor paradise.

GEORGE: Don't you see? I'm back in.

JERRY: All because of Wrath of Khan?


JERRY: Well, it was the best of those movies.

I am not sure if reading the script does this justice, but that show was the best comedy ever on television, in my view.

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